The “fundamentals of self-care” include all the practices and routines we start to include in our life outside of formal meditation and inner practices. As therapists, in order to truly get the value from our inward practices, we need to learn to re-structure our life in such a way that this basic sense of goodness can flow through us as easily as possible. We examine each aspect of our life and how we use of time during the day to maximize our connection to well-being.
These “fundamentals ” include all of the ways we turn towards our life with an attitude of goodness. Often the energy in our life is stagnant and rigid and we are unable to feel a sense of flow in the way we live. Before we enter into the inner practices of meditation through this lens, it's important that we examine our lifestyle to make sure we are taking care of ourselves and nurturing ourselves in the best ways possible. In this sense, the basics are not formal practices but general principles we can apply to our life. When we take care of ourselves in these basic ways we are naturally more available to tune into the inner compass of our body, to feel a basic sense of well-being and to move through life in touch with the clearer and kinder aspect of ourselves.
In this way, we start to move through our life with the question, “am I allowing goodness and kindness towards myself in this part of my life?” and “Am I relating to myself through goodness and well-being in this moment?”. We examine different parts of our lifestyle to bring ourselves into harmony with a more nurturing way of being as the foundation for all of the deeper practices. It is not necessary to include all of these different forms of practice, but rather 2-3 to engage with regularly that speak to you at this time.
SOOTHING THE PHYSICAL
STARTING EACH DAY WELL
Before getting out of bed, it’s very useful that we learn to fully rest and start the day on the right note. I regularly advise clients to set their alarm 30 minutes earlier than usual because once they learn to deeply nourish themselves through this practice, it is usually much more rejuvenating than the quality of their sleep.
For each of the following sections, work on these areas gradually in your life. Slow incremental change allows our body to adapt to this new way of being in a lasting way.
Here is a guided morning practice you can do upon waking:
HEALTHY SLEEP
Examining our quality of sleep is also a very important aspect of the basics. If we are not receiving enough sleep on a regular basis the rest of our life will be impacted tremendously and again all of the subsequent practices will not have the effect they could. There is a lot of scientific research the last few years and what amount human being actually requires asleep and in my opinion, it is for each of us to tune in deeply to our experience so that that wisdom arises from the inside out as to how much sleep we actually need in our lives. There may be periods in our life where we actually require a lot less sleep or a lot more sleep and when we are attuned to ourselves through the meditation practices we will go through at this level, it becomes possible to know this deeply.
As you get ready for sleep at night, do your best to fall asleep thinking in ways that soothe you, so that you are setting the most fertile terrain for your sleep and how your unconscious mind can continue throughout the night.
HEALTHY EATING
One of the first things we can examine is the nutrients we are taking into our body every day. Is what I'm eating in my life nurturing me at the deepest levels? Is it truly serving me to consume in the way that I am? Through The Nurturer practices, when we learn to receive a basic sense of goodness in our bodies it is very common to no longer thirst in the same way to receive sweeteners through other forms that are often toxic for us such as too much sugar etc. We learn more and more to come into harmony and in touch with the basic goodness of reality and that feeds us in a much deeper way. We may become satisfied and satiated in a way we previously did not know existed. Coupled with this, we consciously do our best to make decisions in how we eat that serve our deeper development.
HEALTHY LIVING
Another very important aspect to consider is the air we breathe. Air is actually the most basic nourishment we are constantly receiving through our bodies and therefore it's important that we bring our awareness to it. Often in cities and congested areas, the air we’re breathing has a tremendous impact on our ability to go deep inside ourselves and access the sense of goodness and basic well being. Therefore, it is often a very good idea to buy a high quality air purifier to have in your environment so that the air you breathe can of the highest quality possible.
Along with the food and nutrition we consume, it is also very important to consider the water quality we intake. Water constitutes over 70% of our body and it’s essential that in order to keep an energetic flow in our body and a great way of ensuring this is to make sure to drink enough water each day. It is also help the water that is not contaminated as is so often the case in many areas around the world at this time.
When we start to work with the first phase of practice of The Nurturer : Releasing, you may notice that drinking a good amount of high quality water each day can naturally assist the releasing process.
EXERCISE
I've often seen with people who are very attracted to meditation that, although they are very sincere in their practice, things do not progress as they could because there is too much energetic stagnation in the body. As human beings we are built to move. For hundreds of thousands of years, we have always walk 4-5 miles each day out of necessity. In the past, many of the ancient traditions didn't emphasize exercise as important because regular exercise was such an intrinsic part of their lifestyle for survival (going to the well and gathering food etc). In the modern world, where movement is no longer particularly necessary to survive it's important to understand that our body is still wired for regular exercise and when we don't regularly exercising party our entire being becomes stagnant. Therefore, receiving regular exercise in whatever form feels best for you is an essential element of the basics. Any meditation or deeper practice you do that does not include a regular form of exercise will usually not progress to the extent it could without it. Exercise keeps our system flowing, If we are doing a lot of spiritual practice without exercising, then a lot of the stagnancy we may experience in meditation is unnecessary and takes more of our attention to process.
Exercises does not always always have to take a very formal format. For example, regularly dancing to your favorite music is a very great way of both enjoying yourself and at the same time receiving a basic form of exercise to the body. Finding creative ways like this to move your body throughout the day can be very useful if going to the gym or regularly exercising outside feels like too much of a chore for you.
YOGA AND the tibetan rites
While exercising such as active sports, jogging etc, can help to release a great amount of the tension in our body and allow us to experience a greater sense of well-being, practices like yoga can help stretch the muscles and bring us into a much deeper state of rest.
For many people, regularly attending yoga groups and classes will feel very aligned. However for others, they do not have the time or interest in devoting that much of their attention to a practice like this, even practicing 5 minutes of yoga or some form of active movement in the morning can be very beneficial. A sequence such as the sun salutations is a very simple and useful practice for doing this.
Yoga is a popular way to increase flexibility, gain strength, and reduce stress. This system of physical and mental practices originated in India roughly 5,000 years ago. One translation of the word "yoga" is "union," referring to the connection of body, mind, and spirit. There are many different types of yoga that range from gentle to strenuous, but every form of yoga improves your health from head to toe, inside and out.
When done regularly, yoga can keep you healthy. It can aid in the recovery from illness and pain; and it can discourage disease. It can also provide greater mental clarity, emotional balance, and overall wellness. The only requirements to learn yoga are proper instruction from a qualified and knowledgeable teacher and a steady practice. Below is a deeper exploration of the benefits of yoga for your body, mind, and spirit.
The Tibetan Rites, an ancient practice of five distinct movements is a particularly useful form of stretching for our purposes as a preparation for meditation. The focus in this practice is predominantly on awakening the spine. The sequence of particular concern as greatly as we move forward with the depot practices as opening the spine can have many benefits beyond just the physical sense of well-being.
If you are someone that watches a lot of television or Youtube in your spare time and feel you don't have enough time to regularly exercise or do yoga, a convenient way of practicing simple yoga postures is by doing them in front of the television in the evening. As you sit relaxing, you can put yourself in a yin yoga position, gently stretching and releasing tension from your body.
Soothing touch | MASSAGE | BODYWORK
It is also very important for us to receive regular nourishing touch. As mammals are are wired to receive touch regularly and as well as simply feeling good, it has many health benefits. If you have a partner, this can be taking regular periods of time together to exchange nourishing touch in whatever way feels right for a person.
Another wonderful way of receiving version touch, is regularly going for massages. Having another person take care of us in this way and help release the tension for my body can be in a wonderful way of feeling connected to another human being and relaxing deeply.
Receiving regular massage can be a way of receiving very soothing touch. Often it can also be very beneficial to spend time with a partner too in silence, lovingly exchanging touch in ways that rejuvenate the nervous system.
Studies have shown that a hug or a reassuring touch a day can improve our mood, reduce stress, increase circulation and we also feel more loved and appreciated as a result. Being touched also releases endorphins, which is the feel good hormone, and is also shown to be beneficial to our health. We generally feel happier after a hug or reassuring touch which is partly the result of the endorphins kicking in. Sadly a good daily dose of physical contact in our lives seems to be on the decline as we have become more physically isolated by technology. This lack of daily face to face interactions has increased our aversion to contact and is linked to depression. No wonder our sense of detachment is climbing along with our stress levels. Stress can have detrimental effects on our health, both physical and mental, as well as the quality of our lives and relationships.
The skin is the largest organ in our body and is designed, amongst other things, to experience touch. As our brains and bodies have developed extensive and complicated responses to being touched, massage has a profound impact, not just on our sore or tired muscles, but also our physical and mental health.Massage increases the blood circulation to the skin which improves the skins overall complexion and health. The sore, tired knots of muscle are reduced or eliminated and once again the increased circulation to the muscles aids in healing and regeneration. While all this happens we slip into a deeper than usual state of relaxation and the endorphins released improve our sense of well-being. It is not unusual for a person to fall asleep during a massage, despite being well rested before the massage treatment.
DANCING
If dancing is something you enjoy, each day experiment with spending at least 5 minutes dancing to 1-2 of your favorite songs. Doing this allows you to get out of your head and feel joyful in your body for no external reason. When you are driving, enjoying music is a great way to spend your time or one of the other practices on this page. Don’t waste your time in negative thinking, redirect your attention.
SOOTHING THE MIND
Conscious VISUALIZATION (5-7 MINUTES EACH)
Choose a scene from your life that you felt deeply good about. When you are moving around during the day, take pauses and consciously remember this scene, allowing yourself to feel what it feels like in your body. Deepen the somatic feelings in your body through amping up the story in any particular way that feels good to you and spend time resting in this feeling of well being in your body.
Later you can add you more scenes, so a total of three and rotate them during the day. This way they don’t become dull to the mind and automatic.
HOW TO CREATE MEMORY AND FUTURE VISUALIZATIONS USING NEUROLOGICAL AND EMOTIONAL REHEARSAL
How we process, store and retrieve information is different for everyone. Generally speaking, people will remember where they are, who they are with and what they are doing. We also record all of our life experiences (or events) through our five senses — visual, auditory, kinesthetic, smell and taste. All of this sensory information is recorded as a feeling in the body.
As we recall memories and create future visualizations, and the associated feelings, we reproduce a specific pattern of synaptic wiring in the brain. However, everyone recalls memories or creates future visualizations in a different way, and associates them with a different priority of sensory perception.
“Flood your brain with wonderful neurotransmitters to assist you in redirecting brain function.”
The language that we use to visualize life experiences or events indicates how we code or sequence sensory input. For example, you and a friend may remember a special event very differently. Consider that when recounting a birthday party, one person may remember seeing the people who attended (sight), the conversation and/or music (auditory), dancing (kinesthetic), the scent of the barbeque (smell) and the flavor of the cake (taste). The other person may remember the birthday decorations (sight), blowing out the birthday candles (kinesthetic), singing ‘Happy Birthday’ (auditory) and the sweet scent of a flower bouquet (smell). There is no right or wrong way to remember as this internal process is very individual.
As you recall this experience in detail, you are neurologically and emotionally rehearsing the brain pattern associated with a positive emotional state and a joyous event.
The goal is to keep your mind focused while elevating your emotional state and create what we call the “warm and fuzzies.” This may include feelings of love, joy, calm, appreciation, gratitude and connection. This will help you flood your brain with wonderful neurotransmitters that will assist you in redirecting brain function. It will also help you to mentally rehearse the neurology associated with good health.
Describe your memory and future visualizations in detail using as many senses as possible. Where are you? Who are you with? What are you doing? What are you seeing? What are you hearing? How are you feeling? What do you smell? What do you taste? What do you appreciate about this moment? As you turn up the colors and the volume in this moment in time, focus on the feeling. If the feeling had a color, what color would it be? If the feeling had a movement, how would it move? If you could reach out and touch it, how would it feel? Move it through your entire body from your head to your toes. Immerse yourself completely in this feeling.
GUIDELINES:
With both the memory and future visualization steps, you always want to talk in the present tense, as if it is happening right now. Focus on you as the center of the story.
At the beginning of the rewiring process, when the brain is stuck in ‘fight or flight’, it is not uncommon to find it difficult to access positive memories, or anticipate a positive future. If you are finding it difficult to access a positive visualization, this will come in time. In the meantime, you can use your imagination and create a story, real or imagined. Some other ideas for creating visualizations include: asking family/friends for ideas, looking at personal photos, listening to music that evokes positive memories, making up stories from inspiring images of nature.
It is useful to complete two or three full consecutive rounds of the Limbic System Retraining Steps in order to supercharge a positive feeling. In time you can incorporate music or movement, to assist you in reaching an elevated emotional state. Remember the goal here is to recreate the “warm and fuzzies”, otherwise known as “goosebumps” or “God bumps”. Stay in this positive state for as long as you can. Aim for 5-7 minutes for each memory and future visualization step. During these 2 retraining steps we are implementing the controlled use of attention while elevating our emotional state. It is helpful to identify the most emotionally poignant moment of the visualization, name the emotion(s) and linger there.
If anything negative comes to mind during either the memory or future visualization, take this opportunity to refocus only on the positive aspects of the story.
THE MEMORY STEP
Be mindful not to use the same memory or future visualization more than 7 times in a row as it loses its steam.
A good memory might be the first time you held your baby in your arms. Or maybe it is a loving moment with someone. Perhaps it is an experience of connection with people at a special event. Or perhaps an experience of connection with nature. Or maybe an experience of connection to your physical strength; or perhaps it is your connection to music or movement.
As you create new fantastic experiences in your life, you are in fact, creating new memories. For example, you might find that in a few days you experience a tremendous shift in your state of physical, mental or emotional health. From that moment on, you can use this new experience as a great memory to draw from.
SOMATIC AFFIRMATIONS
Speaking to ourselves out loud in a kind way is a wonderful practice to do both as a meditation and also through the day. Often we wait for others to say the words we are longing to hear, such as, “I love you” or “Everything is going to be okay”. By stopping, connecting with ourselves and speaking the words we wish to hear out loud, our unconscious mind does not know the difference who speaks them and we can receive the nourishment we desire. We can use the words to deepen our felt sense of well-being in our body.
SMILING AND Laughter
Changing your relationship with smiling can be a very powerful inner practice. As you walk around during the day, you can experiment with allowing a gentle smile to form on your face. It's important here that we understand why we are doing this. We are not doing this to pretend to other people that everything is okay and we feel great about ourselves. We're doing this because when we gently allow a smile to form on our face, the deeper defensive mechanisms of the body start to relax because they receive our smile as a cue to relax and that everything is okay on the outside. As we start to smile more in this way our body keeps receiving the message that everything is okay and often after doing this we naturally want to smile more. (Note: If you are already someone who tries to present an image of yourself to others as a lot more happy than you are, this is probably not a practice for you to try at the beginning).
Another way of looking at the basics, is by consciously including more laughter in your life. Laughter positively affects all aspects of being. Studies show that it is a legitimate and powerful form of preventive (lifestyle) medicine, and a complementary option to other established therapeutic strategies for physiological, mental, and emotional health, and more.
Laughing lowers blood pressure, reduces stress hormones, and increases muscle flexion. It increases the circulation of antibodies in the blood stream and makes us more resistant to infection. It diffuses stress, enhances problem-solving skills, and creates a new perspective. Emotionally, it can elevate our mood, counteract depression symptoms and can deepen our connection with others in a seamless way.
sending WELL WISHES to others
A simple exercise : Each hour, spend 1-3 minutes thinking of someone and sending well-being and goodness in their direction. Imagine them being touched by your kindness, imagine their face softening and their heart opening as you send them well wishes. Then stay in the feeling that this brings in your body for as long as possible.
JOURNALING
Here is an audio about the value of journaling regularly.
Conclusion
After becoming acquainted with these practices, we can proceed to incorporate the inner practices of the Nurturer, which involve working with the Womb and Belonging archetypal centers.
For more information on the inner practices, click here.
